This will mess your head up

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Dedication...

Pitchin (In Every Direction)
by HI-GATE

An ostrich....skiing....no way..

Definitions - Oh wise one..

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that
you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by
feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of
either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got
caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic : Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when
dead.

Captains Log update

So a week in London again, and a manic week, got home late Thurs night, house in destruction mode, but had lovely downlighters fitted, two seperate controls, so I can set the mood for each......boys toys I know...

Friday worked all day, picked the kid up the drove back down south, mad I know, off to Wembley Saturday for first official International Game at the new stadium, a real fathers moment with his son...

Weekend of driving and football, out on Saturday shite night, but not hung over on the Sunday, so been a car polisher lol......


Yep only 3 days to go, then off work hooray

Goodbye - Watch and laugh your arse off

Klimt

Love, this piece of Art captures it wonderfully.....


And yes you know you are, dont fight it, embrace it and enjoy it......He will come back safely and
be there for you.....Im certain.

Wembley Wembley

So taking the boy here for the first ever football game there since it was opened a week ago...

England U21 game.....its not the game, its the fact that we are attending the opening game there, and seeing this impressive building,one of the lucky 60,000 people only who are getting to go...This is something he can tell his kids about..

So fancy hotel friday night, train there saturday, game and food, then drive home saturday drop him off at his mums, beaming like a cheshire cat......

Cant wait....

Hell has no fury

So its Sunday, went out last night, and had a few drinks......

Today is a world of pain !!!!!

But mothers day and purchased an outdoor candle for me mum, who was made up....as she wanted stuff for outside, then went to see mate from University, Sam. So afternoon spent gossiping and being fed and watered some lovely home made food....yummy..

Then slouched, slobbed, lazy bastard, feet up once J in bed and not moved since....can feel the world spinning, Ive been that slow.....

Over and out

London The week that was

So been to London all week.....and survived.

So one observation about London, is that no one who works there is from London, what so ever.....amazed me, that the service sector has been outsourced on such a large scale.

So what did I do down there, well stand up for 3 days, talking rubbish to anyone who wanted to hear, no, I talked and talkled about what I do...

Had a few meals and drinks, but the problem is, standing up is so tiring, indeed it is.....my feet and back were killing me so much, that I had to go to bed early....

I know, that is sad, dont send me a handbag in the post !!!!!

But today, its Friday and back in Manchester and working in the office, and not a lot of people in, but at the end of the day, go to get me terror and the weekend has started.

HOOORAYYY

The Donkey Story

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/03/02/donkey_shocker/

Galway First's report into the man caught in a hotel room with a donkey

A man who was found dressed in latex and handcuffs brought a donkey to his room in a Galway city centre hotel, because he was advised "to get out and meet people," the local court heard last week.

Thomas Aloysius McCarney, with an address in south Galway, was charged with cruelty to animals, lewd and obscene behaviour, and with being a danger to himself when he appeared before the court on Friday. He was also charged with damage to a mini-bar in the room, but this charge was later dropped when the defendant said that it was the donkey who caused that damage. Solicitor for the accused Ms Sharon Fitzhenry said that her client had been through a difficult time lately and that his wife had left him and that his life had become increasingly lonely.

"Mr McCarney has been attending counselling at which he was told that he would be advised to get out and meet people and do interesting things. It was this advice that saw him book into the city centre hotel with a donkey," she said. She added that Mr McCarney also suffered from a fixation with the Shrek movies and could constantly be heard at work talking to himself saying things like "Isn't that right, Donkey?"

Supt John McBrearty told the court that Mr McCarney who had signed in as "Mr Shrek" had told hotel staff that the donkey was a family pet and that this was believed by the hotel receptionist who the supt said was "young and hadn't great English."

Receptionist Irina Legova said that Mr McCarney had told her that the donkey was a breed of "super rabbit" which he was bringing to a pet fair in the city. The court was told that the donkey went berserk in the middle of the night and ran amok in the hotel corridor, forcing hotel staff to call the gardai.

McCarney was found in the room wearing a latex suit and handcuffs, the key to which the donkey is believed to have swallowed. He was removed to Mill St station after which it is said he was the subject of much mirth among the lads next door in The Galway Arms.

He was fined €2,000 for bringing the donkey to the room under the Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act 1837. Other charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

What hard core drinking can do to you !!!

Weekend...

So this weekend, what a busy bee.........

Tree cutting, all done, now the back garden is bare, my arms ache like a bad un and now plotting the layout. So the patio area, is going to be laid with a hexagonal indian stone and a water feature, whilst at the back, pergula with a seating area and heat bowl.

Ran around getting some quotes for car spray, driveway being done and also me cinema room being re done, all stripped back, cables hidden and a cabinet with a hidden door. Busy bee..

Drinking, well Friday, a pass out night, collapsed in at 3 in a mess and then had to face a saturday of running around......saturday night, cool chilled night in the village, looking very sophisticated in me new tommmy h jacket.....gorgeous....

Back to work now, off to london for the week and booked a week off with jordan, hooray...

mad moment...

So a Ferrari 360....yummmy.....went to have a look at one, and fell in love......could bin my car in and stretch it...

But sensible head kicked in, and decided keep the more economical option, spray the front spoiler, full body polish and uprate the exhaust system, to get 20 bhp more.....still does 0-60 in 5 seconds... ha ha.....

Things a perfect woman might say !!!

1) I`ll swallow it....i love the taste.

2) Are you sure you`ve had enough to drink?
3) Im bored. Lets shave my pussy!!
4) Should`nt you be down the pub with your mates?
5)That fart was great! Do another one.
6) I`ve decided to stop wearing clothes in the house.
7) you`re so sexy with a hangover.
8)I`d rather go play virtual fighter then go shopping.
9) Let`s start subscribing to penthouse.
10) Would you like to see a video of me going down on my g/f?
11) Just for a change can we try anal sex tonight?
12) I really like footy, can you take me to a game?
13) I think a big motorbike a good idea!
14) I don`t care if my bum looks big in this..Let`s go and get pissed.
15) I know you`ve already late for work. but can i gag on it just one more time?
16) Aim where you like..It`s really good for my skin..

Poems of the day

Saw this and had to steal it today....made me laugh......

You put your right leg in, put your left leg out
Put your long pink hairy dangly wobbly bit here
and shake it all about
Do the Karma Sutra and turn me on
That's what it's all about

Do the Kama Sutra, Do the Kama Sutra
Do the Kama Sutra, That's what it's all about

Now roar like a lion, growl like a bear
Pant and breathe and huff and puff
but don't put it in there
Do the Tantric Rhythm and turn me on
That's what it's all about

Do the Tantric Rhythm, Do the Tantric Rhythm
Do the Tantric Rhythm, That's what it's all about

Now don't you dare ejaculate, it's time to hold it in
I know it's been six months now
But to let go is a sin
Do the Tao Lovers and turn me on
That's what it's all about

Do the Tao Lovers, Do the Tao Lovers
Do the Tao Lovers, That's what it's all about

You put it all in, you pull it all out
In out in out
Then scream and cry and shout
Then fall asleep on top of me that doesn't turn me on
He's got no clue what it's all about

Do the Aussie Quickie, Do the Aussie Quickie
Do the Aussie Quickie, He's got no clue what it's all about

Do the Kama Sutra, do the Tantric Rhythm, Do the Tao Lovers
That's what it's all about!

Bulldog

so finally given up and left bulldog, seemingly for the last 6 months it has been to hard for them to tell me a coherent story about upgrading me to 16 meg broadband, even with numerous emails promising it would be done in 72 hours. Thus I am migrating back to BT and vow never to move my phone line again to an operator who has call centres in India and countries not in the EU.


Having complained to Ofcom and to Bulldog, Im supposed to be moving on the 20th March and it will be interesting to see if Im left standed with no phone line, thus emergency services and who is liable if I cant call for emergency assistance due to an incompetent organisation......

Rant over

The Weekend....

So washer woman of urmston on the go................................

Ironed, filled bills, painted doors and generally sorted out stuff that has been nagging me for ages, now I have put all my stuff up for sale Im getting some lovely emails from some friendly people in Nigeria who all seem to need my old shit for their brothers birthday.......thats thoughtful !!!

Made My day

So my friend at work has invited me round to his new house on Monday, bit of lunch meet his new baby, say hello.......Oh and the best bit

Kerry Katona has just moved in next door........my god.....roll on the iceland discounts he can get...

"Clever Packaging"

So Friday afternoon and check this out, these are
clever and witty, and really well designed.....

Awesome is the word

My Prayer

Lord, before I lay down to sleep today, I pray

For a woman who's partially gay,
One whose pretty, sexy and bright,
One whose fanny is small and tight,
Oh send me a woman who goes like a train,
Who swallows your load and wants it again.
And as she prays with this in mind,
She'd ask me to take her from behind
And when I was done, Id climb off and thank her.
Until u can find her, I'll just be a wanker!

Linked into blogging sites now

The Karma Sutra Animated

Now how cool is this, never mind working out those sketchy pencil drawings, this is the colour animation of the postions.....

made me chuckle to myself........

http://www.kamasutra.hit.bg/english/poses_animated/main.htm

If I Knew

IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I saw you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for some more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play it back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra moment or two
I would stop and say "I love you,"
instead of assuming you KNOW I do.


If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
I would explain we won't have many more,
so I just can't let this one slip away.

If I knew it would be the last time

I would make up for that oversight,
I'd make the time for a second chance
to make everything just right.

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is actually all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
Either the young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,

Drop what you're doing and do it today
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their last wish.

So hold your loved ones closely today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take the time to say "I'm sorry,"
"Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay."
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.