Framley Examiner - A real british newspaper

If this doesnt make you laugh, my god its all over......

Special People

I got reminded about this yesterday, and had to dig it out, got sent it by someone close a few years back and think its quite apt about life.


People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and
support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a Godsend, and they are!
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a season, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons:
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Little Britain in the office

So thought would head into the office today, had calls and some admin to do, so busy bee day......

Well, Emily Howard turned up at the office today, I did a double take look, and yes Nicola has arrived. Charity shop dress and sorting her hair out.

Comment of the day - "He must have some balls "

Classic

Pretty Woman

So manic night, friends leaving back to China, Jordan in bed late, friend in distress......


Chilling now, off to bed in moment, with a house full left me very frustrated this evening but tomorrow, own bed back .......

But one of top films, Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts is stunning in this film, one of the most naturally stunning women who doesnt required anything to look fabulous.

Boxing Day

3 -1 Top game, thanks to the litte T for sorting it out, bloody cold though, froze me nads off totally... So lazy day, need to go visit the couch again tomorrow, see if it is in the sale. Out tonight, dinner and some clubs as well, off promoting Hank...

Been a lazy sod over xmas, but hey work tomorrow, so all normal...again

Xmas Dinner

Xmas dinner over, seems that everyone still alive, fresh veg and Turkey, forgot to take a picture of my prawns and salmon, starter. If I say so myself, it was lovely......

A nice afternoon, champagne, wine and festive food........

All done for another 364 days now, dishwasher on full blast and fridge full of turkey and spuds for tomorrow.

Last Few Days

Last few days been manic, nights out in town and local, getting in at 6 in the morning, and 4 hours kip, so feeling rough.......but hey dave and elaine here, so taking them out and about...

Xmas Eve, in a grumpy mood, drank but then bored of that, danced my arse off and drank water in the end, strolled home sad.......no kid today, first time in 8 years not seen him on xmas day.

So making dinner, and prawn and salmon to start with on a bed of lettuce and dressings, yummy.,


Merry xmas miss Kirby, glad the clinster enjoyed his presents, big merry xmas and thankyou to steph for making jordans pic lovely....my mum is well pleased with her lcd photo frame .....

So nearly a New Year, and resolutions to be broken.....

Supergirl is back...

Supergirl has regained her powers again, having being beaten for a while by the arch enemy "The Boy" using his gaming skills to drain her, she found the inner strength........now back to regaining full fighting fitness...

Go Go Supergirl.....

Jordan

So this is me and Jordan at a wedding in the summer, that Im going to have blown up and made bigger, when I first saw this pic, shed a tear, as just so beautiful, and such a lovely fab day we had together.

Summer day in a manor house in Kent, friends wedding that was just perfect, Jordan smiling and laughing all day, and this picture just sums it up.....

Dad and Son..

Tired

So So Tired, got in at 2.30, after being a knight in shining armour...... tonight, going to cuddle up on the chair, film on, chill out with some goodies and relax....

Need to go get xmas presents still, and post xmas cards, so apologies if not received, but yeh organised....

Old nickname

So a little secret then, when I was at Uni one of the girls said you know who you look like, said no, never been associated with anyone before, she said that guy out of top gun.......

Heres me beaming, thinking, yep, top gun fighter pilot, cool dude, Tom Cruise

No No she said, Goose, well more Like Dr Green....he is lovely and nice....

So thats me Dr Green, lovely and nice....not a bad boy figher pilot, with kelly McGillis to straddle...

Last minute update and thanks, yep Dr Green has Meg "I can fake a orgasm fantastically " Ryan.... happay again, well not if she fakes it, but outside fun is cool.. ;-)

Sad News..

Joe Barbera, half of the Hanna-Barbera animation team that produced such beloved cartoon characters as Tom and Jerry, Yogi Bear and the Flintstones, died Monday, a Warner Bros. spokesman said. He was 95.

Sad Sad news...... Also made Top Cat, one of the best cartoons of my youthful years.....RIP ..

Girls Aloud

Girls Aloud

Dont need to say anything else......grumps would definitely be gone...

ManthaTron - New look wedding outfit

http://www.tron-sector.com/articles/article.aspx?id=66

So having a chat last night, reminded me of the most excellent film, Tron, so a little bit of searching, and there are some freaks out there, check this guy out, he wears this and goes out in this....do some people not have a life, or enjoy doing normal things at the weekend, such as painting skirting boards and putting up those pesky door hooks.

Mind you, thought this would make a more fetching wedding outfit than stolen toilet tissue, bin bags and held together with Staples.

Yuletide Fun.....

Check this out, made me pee when saw my mate as an elf, she danced better as an elf though... ha ha...... (ducking the plates )



http://www.elfyourself.com/

One of my favourite Films - Thanks Miss K

So Miss K, thankyou for reminding me re this film....one of my favourites of all time, and reminds you no matter how bad things may seem, there are people who care and value what you have around you, Friends, Children and Exs.... ha ha...

But no, a Sunday afternoon curled up film, that can be watched and watched over and over.

Let Somebody In - Magic Numbers Those the brokes.

Said, you want to love
But you don't know how
And you want to feel
But you're not allowed
And you want to cry
But you don't know why
And you want to give
But you're not that kind

When you gonna let somebody in?
You might get hurt just a little bit
When you gonna let somebody in?

Said, you want to love
But you don't know how
And you want to trust
But you're not allowed
And you want to cry
But you don't know why
And you want to give
But you're not that kind

When you gonna let somebody in?
You might get hurt just a little bit
When you gonna let somebody in?

You want to love
But you don't know how
And you want to feel
But you don't know how

"pointed out to me twice on Friday, by 2 different people, am I so open and readable "

The gang is back in town

So the gang were out in the urmston massive tonight, litte Tony, Dave, Alex, Woody and moi......joined by about another 10 including the Tubs and his missus as welll

SO Chadwicks, then Mambos......oh dear......staying reasonably sober, meant could shake my ass and socialise as well, without the need for support for once, and seems like the text hotline of updates on xmas parties, was busy. At least unlike some, I didnt pull a sickie at 1 in the morning.

Woody said he enjoyed the night, lots of good laughs, and my god I got abused and taken on the dance floor to shake my ass...and yes Ill order Theatre Tickets....and no not going to mcdonalds for dinner.

Tingles

Tingles

Walking across the car park, arms embrace the waist
Look deep into your eyes, tender kiss on the cheek
Body arching, hairs tingling, blood racing.
The fire within me, its passion ignites my needs
You say my name, my body aches and shivers
Fire racing through me, souring, nothing can stop it
I need to feel you, I need to hold you, to make me come alive
Talk late into the night, put the world to right
Looking deep into your eyes.
Tingles down my spine, awakening sense that were locked deep behind the iron gate
Alas no more, but friendship bound and close, share secrets and shoulders to lean on
For we are both beautiful inside.
Tingles pushed back deep inside, iron gate locked tight, awaiting one day to be opened again.

The night out......

So the morning after, gate crashed mate Julias xmas party last night and drank far to much......

So coco lounge, very posh, and at least I know now that Julias work colleagues are not the most dynamic sales team on the planet and thus we accidentally got a cab to wrong bar...doh....

Gay Village, wearing a sensible shirt this evening and thus was ok, and Julia trying to turn gay men with her dress and straight talking satire, but funniest incident was Stefan....

So public school boy, asked all the right questions to judge if we were a couple and even used the correct body language, but then took us to Cruz 101....where he eventually left us and I then explained to Julia what had happened, ha ha........ he left his undying love message at 3 this morning lol....

So survived, eventually rocked home at 3 and woody still up and we all debated life, and red wine........drunken monkeys by then as giggling at rubbish and requiring some pizza action...

So good night out both shared drunken gossip and tales .... xmas nearly over dont think can survive another night out.....

Manchester Event

So xmas do in manchester, ended up in gay village, in Cruz 101, so there is the trendy gay village, that is cool, then there is Cruz, which is the real gay village........ Yep not been there before and saw other side of manchester.... ended up back in NY NY until a ridiculous hour, then home and polished off red wine.....

Now suffering......one more night out before detox.....

Coffins....

Just a little dedication, pic of the day.......need a coffin today, as head not quite here......

Quote of the Day ...

well your here for just a short time and along time down under 6ft..

goes hand in hand with my new mantra......

Xmas Party Holding Page

Just holding this section off to Xmas party at Roadhouse in London........

Bound to be gossip, Im there.....

So full report - hot of the press


Lots of people didnt know, venue was cramped but a cool live band though, and lots of drunken monkeys....no gossip, had a lovely boogie
with Carol and her bump.

Ended up walking to Leicester Square, KFC and then cab back to hotel, whilst having a rant, realised due to being Grumpy.....

Les and Pinto on top form, talking rubbish and just laughing, so a nice night head ok, cough hurting but Ill survive.

So report on Manchester event tomorrow.....going to be worse..

Dont be Scared of losing something you never had..

So words taken from a magic numbers song, fantastic words, so what does this mean...? Well to me anyway

I never make a move forward, I become friends with people and then if I feel more never express it, and thus lose something or the opportunity of that something, they move on find someone and well I just go hey ho. So when Im ready to date again, going to bear this in mind, and express myself more. My New Years resolution .....

So the mantra is, dont be scared of losing it, as you dont know what it was or could have been..

Stolen Words - Named it YOU

I've made a vow, to no one but you. I pledge my love
to forever be true. I'll take care of you and treat
you right. I'll lay beside you all through the night.
I'll feed you and clothe you and keep you warm. I'll
hug you and kiss you and give shelter in the storm.
I'll help you and guide you and clear a path. I'll
protect you and shield you from an angry wrath. I'll
listen to your problems help you solve them too. I'll
make you a rainbow and let the sun shine through. I'll
take your side even if you're wrong. Just to prove our
love is strong. I'll plant you flowers and make them
grow. They'll be a symbol of love that only we'll
know. I'll whisper your name when no one is near. So
low that only you can hear. You'll feel my love even
if we're apart. You'll know that we are one in heart.
When your lost in the night and you can't see the
light. My love will see you through... Cause I'll
always be with you


Stole this, as think its lovely.....

Jordan - my light

So out and about tonight, woodys familyand me and jordan, sometimes makes me sad when out in couples, as Im not a couple, just me and Jordan. Odd night, old friend wants to get in touch and go out as single buds, weddings, engagements and barvitzas. So one question, if Im such a good catch, nice guy, blah blah, why am I Single ? Discussed this tonight, and it seems to be better if you are a tw^^..

But one thing that always shines through, if out in a couple situation, Jordan.

Hugs me, cuddles me and tells me Im not on my own, he has me.....trusting undeniable love....

So tomorrow is proud dad day, Jordan main part in school play, have to attend with Wicked Witch of the North West and face playground moms, but the kid will do me proud.....

Magic Numbers

Top Album, track 2, dont be scared of losing something you never had, my mantra line for New Year.....so true........

Awesome words, all tracks are just hit repeat on......

Buy it now.....

Monday BLues

Monday is here again, its raining, Im tired still and work ahead, off to London to socialise on Wednesday, means a few beers and catch up on gossip, so has to be done......Thurs night out in Manchester with differenent set of friends, Friday local with liver problems but just local, Sat night out in Liverpool I think......Sunday just die.........

So being single working out ok, friday night bit of a backward step, drank way to much and went on woe is me text mission....oh dear...

So new policy this week, cut down on spending money on tatty food, eat healthy and start swimming...again....toned for the summer time . India, Australia and New Zealanad hopefully..

Later, captains log out..

Miss K

.....1 text and no drunken slobbering phone call, good job my phone was on loud ..... ha ha .......you sober monkey............ I was dead to world and no alcohol, detoxed now ..... glad you had a lovely time and hope the ebay action reaping the profits in as we speak x

Stella now being banned in many countries

So xmas party last night, and stella the order of the evening...........Im now paying for it, apologies being sent on a mass scale, mopping up the devestation of drunken texting and trying to explain to my sister why I didnt come home and oh god carnage...

One good thing, Claire showed me a pic from her wedding of me and jordan, and it so lovely I shed a tear, me and him in our stripe shirts, cuddling at her wedding, just lovely, so watch this space will be posted soon.

Trying to work out where my 80 quid went last night, I have no idea at all.....apart from a vague memory of Subway and taxis.....

Definition of a Relationship... Simple

Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.

The Seeker - Poem time

ME

I take pride in what I do, from appearance to my home.
I love to learn and experience new things, travel and share those experiences
I have passion for life. Enthusiasm for adventure and a yearning for more
I feel I'm growing and understanding who I am more each year and believe there's a
woman who's in tune with my song waiting for destiny to find me.
I'm happy being who I am and have the notion that sharing my life will enrich it.
I aim to enrich her world too.
I see beauty in the world and the world in my beautiful son.
I'm an optimist in adversity.
I believe in the goodness of people but measured with caution.
I'm selective with women. I don't believe in endlessly kissing frogs to find my Princess.
I feel being youthful is a state of mind which I'm determined to maintain endlessly.
Laughter and love are like oxygen in the air.
I seek the right hand in mine for the future not just the right now.
I refuse to hold the wrong hand just for the sake of today.
I'm faithful and value the same from a partner.
I'm man enough to be open and sincere about my feelings.
I will share my soul and be bound forever, to the one that shows me the light.

HER

She's on a journey which he has a deep yearning to share with a soul mate.
She like me but not a clone. Her character complements mine rather than mirrors it. This way we learn and grow from each
other. Our song will have depth.
She has wisdom in life attained through experience not just books.
She has an unbreakable loyalty. Someone whose integrity defines her.
She makes my knees weak and my heart strong, my stomach flutter and my loins yearn.
She creates fun and smiles at times when most are glum.
She is my rock, my shoulder in times of need.
In times of difficulty she's calm and confident, a listener but talker, one who talks straight.
She's adventurous, playful, has charming manners and sexy-as-hell.
She's ambitious about her goals in life.
Our friendship is as strong as our lust is, we are best friends as well as lovers.
She's protective of that which is important to her.
Humour and wit shape the contours of her happy face.
She can playfully laugh at herself and with me. From
zany to sharp.From cool and dry to practical joker.
Our mutual attraction would send flutters down our
spines from a first date to a first admittance to the Nursing Home!
She has to be on the same chapter in his life as me. Be
single and when reading this feels drawn to get to know me.

The Kid and Friends....

A friend recently pointed out this pic, saying how cute it was, told her the story behind it, and gave me a kick up the arse, remembered the night, my X wife had left a week before, and this was taken at my best mates emmigration party, he was leaving for Oz at a time, when I needed him, so what did it remind me of, Friends.....

True friends were there for me when I needed them, and never asked for anything in return, they saw me at my low, and not a nice sight, but helped me, supported me and stayed with me.... and this reminded me of that, how friends have been there, and are still there, even the ones I have hurt are still in touch, little hello now and again.......

But yeh, friends you can choose and determine and can never have enough, true friends are there for life and never wain........oh and the kid, same people at this party out on sat night, he will be as cute as ever, just hope blonde not there.... will show me up again........."my daddy is on his own, do you want to look after him " lol, bless him......such innocence...

Devestating News - hot off the press

Mrs Sherwood is leaving the school, no longer Jordans teacher......tall and blonde, made parents evening such a pleasure, and a joy to hear how well or bad the kid was doing.....oh and really antognised the wicked one as well.....

So shame, but hey ho, Im sure the kid will survive, and parents evening will go back to being what it is......

Ug boots

Apparently these are Ugg type boots, that are cool.......and are worn around the house....

So wearing these around the house and cool...Im a little bit uncertain about, my mate Woody keeps telling me, but hmmmm (scracthcing his chin) I have the pleasure of looking at these for 5 weeks, one thing can pretend to do scenes from Rocky, shout out Adrians name, punch out at the statue (disclaimer shouting out adrians name, if it was something like shouting out "Pamela" wouldnt sound so bad ;-) )

Of course my tasteful Pink flower shirt in the background puts all to shame anyway, master of taste, and the stripe shirts didnt go down to well, hasten to add pointed them in a JK direction.......little Tony in the background taking the mick, he who drives the range rover sport pimp mobile, bling master.....

Australia here....

So what a day, at the airport waiting and waiting, then got the call to say the Woods were here....been tearful all day, in a happy way......just desperate to give them a cuddle.

So got to Trishs dad, and gave her the biggest cuddle ever and cried like a baby, but so lovely, oh and gave woods a hug and did the man thing, grunted...... ha ha...

So out for tea and all the lads came out, the old gang back together, then back to mine for brews and waffle...oh and me scaring the shit out of woods, going way to fast.....the chaps concerned about my shirts, wonder why...the kid has put a request in for woods to take him to the school disco....nice....

Lynette, woods sister came round, and told us the story of how she stole her table back from courts when they went bankrupt, and how she got a van and some blokes to go and collect the table, much to the amusement of the chaps working there.....and how BQ are just shite, kitchen problems, and how she walked up to some people buyng a kitchen and said how wank they were....

So house full, lots of laughter, and the most I have smiled in a very long time, the old gang.....is back.....well for a month...

The Red leather pimp couch

So seen this fab couch, girl not included in the price apparently.....but being a good son, giving my ma and pa my old suite, as dad isnt well, and they like it nice and comfy.......

So this pimptastic couch, having some debate, to pimptastic red, and make my lounge into some brothel looking area, or make it look so cool, even I wont be allowed to sit in their......

The kid has to make the decision, and me sister is coming as well, sure she will say its crap.....and talk me into buying some floral thing...........

Bloody Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Having survived the rigours of sheep and flossy country, and gaining a fantastic 4 hours sleep, dragged my arse into the shower and then went to the wicked witch of the north west, to collect Jordan (greeted with a scowl and an endearing comment) headed to the airport.........

Now I dont mind airports, or flying, but this is an emotional day not seen my best mate or family for 2 years, and so miss them all so much.....so keeping the tears back, parked the motor up in the so car called car park, more an excuse to coin it in and laugh at you, when u pay for it...

Then me and Jordan waited, oh yes we waited, and nothing.........

So due to wind problems, plane re routed to Amsterdam, then Heathrow, missed connecting flight and now stuck 220 miles away, after having travelled for 4 hours.......so waiting to see whats happening, at the moment debating about a 9 hour round trip to get them home.......

Bloody planes.........and wind.........

Once I had paid the ransom on my car of 5.20 for a whole hour, headed home, dropped the kid off to more scowling, and ranting, funny how the most endearing part of my body seems to be my back at the moment, as that what I showed her.........

Home, sausage butty and wait........one more day after 2 years..........

Buxton - Sleepy village No Way...

So, my driving night to Buxton, wearing an extremely garish shirt, that I felt confident about my sexuality in, seems the female population were fine with it, and understood, the male population, very concerned, nice attitude though, something like a male testerone sheep filled primate populates Buxton.............

Classic line of the night, " Excuse me luv your tits fell out "

Apart from drinking 6 pints of water, and needing to pee a lot, a good night out, with personal tailors to hand advising me on my button etiquette and cute ass.....survived it, drove home at 2 in the morning, stopping to sample, the delights of a 20 p roadside lav.....fantastic technology like the tardis, but u can pee in it........

On a chavness scale, Buxton, is acceptable, and barely any burberry..........

Pisces

the Watery Pisces Character

Your Ruling Planet is
Neptune & Jupiter.

Your Element is
Water.

You are More than a Sun Sign
The relative positions of all the bodies in our Solar System to each other and their positions within the 12 Zodiac Signs, flavour your basic character that is initially set by the Ruling Planet.
An Astrologer draws your individual Birth Chart, by placing at the exact position in the Zodiac, at the time of your birth - the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune & Pluto. Some Astrologers will also take into account a variety of Asteroids.

I can not overemphasize how this combination of influences, positions and inter-relationships, shift what a professional Astrologer considers not only for your Character at time of birth but how the chart of past, present & future moments influence your behaviour and reactions to circumstance, what the public think is predicting the future. This is in fact more like forecasting the weather but does have the advantage of totally predictable planetry positions.

Your 'Stars' or Sun Sign column as popular in magazines and web sites, use ONLY the Suns basic position in the Zodiac, it can be uncannily close at times but is only the first of many considerations when it comes to understanding you, your motives, how you react in different situations and of great importance to you - how the predictable positions of planets will influence your future. The interpretation of that comes down to the technical skills and intuitive abilities of the Astrologer.

Pisces THE FISH - the sign of Compassion
The most idealistic, romantic and poetic sign, Pisceans can also be very sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions and act like a sponge to external influences. . Being loved is vital to their well-being. They are also creative and sensitive and can find beauty in the most unexpected places.

Get More from Life
Discover how to say No and take some time out from saving others to replenish your batteries.

Ideal Careers
Psychologist, social worker, vet, priest, counselor, artist, hospital worker, writer, photographer, spiritual healer.

Advice for Partners & Friends
A good idea - to accept that Pisces can change and that's okay. This sign is the most changeable in the zodiac and can go to extremes rapidly. Pisceans can take on everyone else's problems but also can find the their world becomes overwhelmed with the endless flow and change of psychic influences. A good reality check from time to time is vital.

Not so useful - sometimes it's hard to distinguish fact from fiction as the edges become blurred.

We love you at your Best ...
Piscean sensitivity means that they are wise to go with the intuition and hunches and can be outstanding in their perceptions. However, they are adept at creating myth and illusion too and make for great story tellers. Added to that, there is an innate creativity drawing on the unseen depths of the subconscious, as well as real connection to all sentient beings.
Pisces is an intuitive sign which can receive great inspiration. Pisceans are thus the natural mediums and mystics of the zodiac who can communicate their inner vision through either the arts or the sciences, or caring professions.

Artistic, kind, sympathetic, intuitive, visionary, sensitive, adaptable, receptive.

.... Difficult to Live With!
A sense of sacrifice can get out of hand when they adopt the 'poor me' attitude, using emotions to manipulate in a passive way. Also, there can sometimes be a sense of chaos in practical terms as the idea of a place for everything and everything in its place is a little alien to Pisceans. Sometimes, you may wonder if you really know your Piscean as acting comes naturally and the paradox of being many people in one is sometimes quite confusing.

Sun Signs You are most Compatible with
Pisces - totally bliss, like taking a warm bath together,
Libra - a fairy tale romance,
Taurus - an excellent match,
Leo - a romantic couple,
Scorpio - such fun and so tantalising too!

Sun Signs You are not so Compatible with
Sagittarius - so many problems,
Aquarius - lost in the depths,
Gemini - needs insight to understand each other,
Aries - total dedication required, or leave.

Your Opposite Sun Sign
is Virgo

Hang Overs Why ?

So why do we do it, well I put it down to my mate Tom forcing me to drink Jack Daniels later on in the night, whilst also seeing some old friends, and have a good old gossip with Andrea, about life being a bitch......oh and then her husband forcing me to drink more to make it better......until eventually the music stopped and the stagger down the road, started....and did take some time..

So need a butty, need a new head, need an overdraft and now wandering around debating about what to do first.......................milk thistle and a lot of water, before i punish myself with car wash and hunt for Dr Who Pjs......